“When the sun came, we shy-ed away from her because we knew that we had always lived in abject darkness.”-Tolulope.
One day I stood at the bus stop with no clear destination in sight, and then I began to ask myself a few questions. Some of the questions I knew the answers to, others I didn’t, but they had something to do with what I was as an individual—a failure. If people became successful through hard work and life was remotely fair, then I should’ve been successful because I worked hard and diligently towards achieving my dreams, but the end never justified the means. So, I stood here, wallowing in all this self-pity and hoping that I put an end to it all, praying one last prayer that the end is fast and less painful. I spotted a headlight close by; one step, two steps, and that was it, lights out.
(A few days ago)
There’s very little noise, other than the secretary’s fingers typing raptly on the keyboard every other thing was silent, including me. However, my mind was so loud. Several thoughts went through my mind. I imagined how my life would change exponentially if I got this job offer. The excitement almost drove me nuts. I had been scared in the previous stages, but this was the last stage, and it was just a formality, according to the interview team, for me to have worked incredibly hard to pass the other stages. This current stage shouldn’t be a big deal for me. I felt a mixture of anxiety and excitement. My stomach was in knots inside my mouth. I couldn’t imagine the possibility of me not getting the job, everything checked out, and it was a well-deserved opportunity. It’s been six years after school without any employment, all that was about to change.
A ding broke the silence, and like an exorcised soul, I found myself ushered out of the room into the inner chamber. A cold wind hit my skin emanating from the air conditioning unit. The room was massive. It swallowed me whole, I felt atomic inside, a large man sat behind a desk and told me to sit, then a conversation began;
Man:
Who do you know?
Me:
(obviously shaken) I don’t understand your question, sir.
Man:
(Smiles, clears throat) Well, I suppose you know someone from up high, for you to be the last man standing after the rigorous process?
Me:
Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone. I think I’m here as a result of Grace.
Man:
Grace?
Me:
Yes, Grace, I prayed for God’s favour throughout the process, and I was confident God would answer my prayers.
Man:
Are you exactly sure about that? The final decision belongs to me and not God, and I don’t think God can influence my choices because they’re final.
Me:
(Breaths deeply) Sir, with all due respect, if God wanted me to have this Role, then so be it, but if he doesn’t, so be it also, the most important thing is that his will should be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Man:
Are such a righteous person?
Me:
I’m the son of God, through Christ.
Man:
I see. Well, since you don’t know anyone and you believe that some fictional character can help you, it shows you don’t have any need for this role. I may have to decline this opportunity.
Me:
(Something entered me, I don’t know what it was, but I stood up and spoke loudly to him, chastising his soul)
A few minutes after, I found myself outside the office, my cheeks in pain, and security officers screaming at me to get lost. I got home that day, locked myself in the room and went blank, downwards into sadness.
(Present day)
I woke up, my hands died, a drip line inserted into my arms, my head banging, my mouth bitter, and every other part of my body aching. I managed to mutter a few words, “what am I doing here?”
Nurse:
(Jolts in fear) oh! You’re awake, sir. You’re so lucky to be alive.
Me:
(Confused) what happened to me?
Nurse:
You can’t remember?
Me:
(shakes my head, in negative)
Nurse:
well, you attempted suicide, but you were lucky. Just as a fast coming car was about to hit you, a bolt from a water tanker got loosed, and the pressure from the water pushed you back. Nobody knows where the water tanker came from.
Me:
I don’t remember all of this
Nurse:
yes, it’s normal. You would later on.
The nurse injected something into the drip, and I found myself tired. A few seconds later, I had slept off.
(A dream)
I found myself sitting alone in the darkness, and then suddenly I saw a bright light appear far away. I tried moving towards the morning, but I noticed that my legs were stiff. However hard I tried to free them, I couldn’t. Then I heard a voice speak to me;
The Voice: Why are you not going into the light?
Me: my legs are stiff. They have been tied
The Voice:yes, you did that yourself. The stiffness is all in your mind, Son.
Me:
What are you talking about? I’ve tried so hard to break free, but the harder I tried, the stiffer they became. I couldn’t have tied myself this hard, right?
The Voice: You’re mistaken. You did this to yourself.
Me:
I don’t understand you. What are you talking about?
The Voice: why do you forsake me and yet claim you trust me?
Me:
I don’t still understand you
The Voice:It is me, your lord, every day you pray and cry to me, every day I listen to your cries, yet, you still doubt me, yet you still allow fear and worry, control and influence your life? Why?
Me:
Lord, I’m sorry, life has been challenging for me.
The Voice: I know, that was why I constantly assured you with my words that, “Fear not, I’m with you.” You are a righteous servant yet a doubtful son.
Me:
(I broke down in tears, screaming, lord forgive me)
The Voice: Now stand and go to the light if you believe you can.
Me:
I believe (standing up; I began walking to the light).
With each step I took towards the light, the bigger the glow became, till it swallowed me.
(The Awakening)
I woke up to all my friends and relatives around me. “What happened?” They all quizzed. I was able to apologise to them. The nurse came and chased them all out of the room. And handed me my phone, she said it had been buzzing all day. I took hold of it, saw numerous missed calls and emails. I opened the mail app and saw an email saying that my interview had been successful and I should come to the office to receive my offer letter. I couldn’t cry. It was unbelievable. I wondered what happened. I thought I lost the job. That’s why I pushed myself into depression. I blamed myself for all that happened and forgot about my faith. Fear and worry plagued me and drove me to end my life. Little did I know that the sun was going to rise soon, and even when the sun rose, I didn’t recognise it because I had been fixated on the darkness that blanketed my soul.
My hope was resting on past failures and disappointments instead of focusing on God and renewing the faith in me. I felt ashamed of my actions.
(Epilogue)
A few years down the line, I rose to the role of manager in the company. I stopped being scared of any challenge that I encountered. If I was scared of anything, I took it to God in prayer, and he never failed me once. Now I understood that my limitations were all in my mind and tongue. Worry never changes anything. Instead, it destroys your peace of mind.
The man that declined my offer was demoted on the same day due to some trouble he had with the company, and his replacement was the one that favoured me. I met the man when I resumed and preached the gospel to him; he's now a powerful Christian; he resigned after a few months. He decided to become a missionary. He discovered that his mission work was to yield more fruits to the kingdom.
Note:
This story is purely fiction, no part of this story represent anyone dead or alive, and any similarity is only coincidental. The author will not be held liable for how you wish to interpret this story.
The copyright of this story belongs exclusively to the author, no part of this story should be copied or shared without the explicit permission of the author, the only part of the story that is to be shared without his consent is the link to access the story.
Wow. You write so well
Sweeeeeeeeet😊