Destiny Flat (Episode 1).
(Curtain Opens)
(Scene 1)
Orator: Your worst days might be your happiest days. Those days are the days you look back and wonder how you could deceive yourself into believing that you were displeased. It wasn’t about the money in your pocket or the food you ate. It was about the memories you created, the joy you felt and the stupid things you did. The randomness of the universe, however complicated, was simplified into the life you lived at that time. And you may look back on those years in the distant future and would trade your present stable life to go back to those days, even for one second. It was worth it.
Prelude: “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
(Opening act)
(Scene 2)
Benson: Come, who steal my loud for this environment? Person no fit leave him thing around again Abi?
Clay: Na, every time your loud dey lost? Abi you don go jonze you no sabi where you drop am?
Benson: Omo, I no jonze anything. This loud special. I wan blow am, enter studio, inspiration dey my body like this.
Clay: Enter studio with clear eyes. You no need dey blow loud every time before you enter studio.
Benson: (pretends to listen)
Clay: Na true, I dey tell you. I don listen to your track without loud, and Omo e bam pass anything.
Benson: Which track be that one?
Clay: That one you sing about four years ago, that gospel track for church?
Benson: (Hisses) Forget that side. That one sef I dey under another influence nobody just sabi, now I don change genre to amapiano gospel.
Clay: (Brings out a stick of poorly rolled blunt) Omo I go like hear this one too, but still I feel say you no too need loud.
Benson: (Stares wildly at Clay) Guy, no be the loud way I dey find be this?
Clay: (Eyes him) At all. This one different I buy am. No worry when I light am, you go smell am see the difference.
Benson: (Exclaims loudly) This guy you Dey whine me? When last you don buy loud for this environment? Abi something dey work you?
Clay: (Brings out his lighter, puts the blunt in-between his lips) No be your blunt, I dey factual. But we fit smoke am together I dey generous.
Benson: ( Considers the offer) No lele make we pop am together. But I believe say na my level be this.
Clay: You wan pop abi you no wan pop?
Benson: Na me go take the first drag?
Clay: (Eyes him) Because say na you light am abi? If I blow this one.
(Benson and Clay begin dragging for the blunt; the entrance door opens.)
Cabo: Wetin they permutate for this arena na? Why ona two dey romance ona self this early morning?
Benson: Cabo, you don come.
Cabo: Say wetin? Ona get chaw for this house?
Clay: Be like say bomb dey your head, na when you wan chop you go remember this house.
Cabo: Why your body dey always hot. I also be shareholder for this house if you no sabi.
Clay: (Hiss) Shareholding kor, powerholding ni.
Benson: Clay, spark that level. Make I dey go, I get track to voice on.
Clay: No dey control me.
Cabo: Spark that stuff guy man.
Clay: Who be this one? Why you dey talk, you mouth no go touch this level, Cabo.
Benson: Facts, the stuff sef no go reach only me, I come dey share am with two of you. Again, walahi e no go do me for the track way I wan pursue.
Clay: Na you sabi, you fit go buy your own. As I be philanthropist, I dey offer you. If e no go pay you, go buy your own loud. Cabo, make you no just reason am, your mouth no dey this one.
Cabo: No chop my eye.
Benson: Clay, I get one idea. Bring am make we re-roll this blunt. We go make am tight and tiny, that way, e go reach everybody.
Cabo: Benson walahi you be genius. Why you never still blow?
Benson: (Ignores him)
Clay: ( Laughs wildly) Okay, make we sharply run am.
(In the other room, music is started and blasting loudly from the speakers sending vibrations around the house).
(Clay, Benson and Cabo, look at themselves and Laugh)
Cabo: Lana don get new parol?
Clay: Be like so, I never see am since last night, but this one way e don dey play music. E be like so.
Benson: That boy na bad guy, only God know where e dey see all this shawties from?
Cabo: Normal level, e get money na. You no dey see them, because you no get money?
Clay: Why you come dey yab my padi?
Benson: I no blame you, make this my new track come out. I go blow.
Cabo: Comot for there, Naso you don dey talk since four years ago.
Benson: This one different I dey tell you, guy man.
Cabo: (Pushes his nose) Naso.
Clay: Omo, I don roll am finish. Cabo no waste this blunt, once you drag am, no puff am immediately. Make e circulate. I sabi you o!
Cabo: No worry, no be today I don dey smoke.
Benson: No waste this blunt, nobody dey ask you for genesis.
Clay: Abi. (lights the blunt)
Benson: (After taking a drag from the blunt) I talk am, this loud dey taste like my own.
Clay: No start.
Cabo: No spoil my rhythm
(After some minutes; the three of them all clearly stoned.)
Cabo: This shit is the real package, fuck man.
Benson: Give me my Grammy now, man.
Clay: Fuck shit, I am in space. Thank God I found this shit, God just provided it for me. I'm feeling like Christopher Columbus.
Benson: What are you talking about man?
Clay: I was taking my morning piss in the bathroom and I found this beauty there.
Benson: You mean my blunt?
Clay: Yes, it’s so delicious man.
(The music from the other room continued to play, soft moaning voices followed).
(Lights out)
(Curtain closes)
Sequel: “Smoking kills you, but life kills you, and if you don't want to die, go into a freezer when you are born and nothing will happen to you.”
Marjane Satrapi